For Rowdy Christians Everywhere Read online

Chapter 5: Electric Man

  “And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden, and there he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground made the LORD God to grow every tree that is pleasant to the sight, and good for food; the tree of life also in the midst of the garden, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.” Genesis 2:8-9

  A couple days later, Luke was well on his way to Chicago. He was in the middle of nowhere, walkin’ through a forest. He was hoping it was Sherwood Forest, so that he might meet Robin Hood, coz Luke had little money left after living as a student for so long, and he was feeling mighty purr. So he was hoping somebody would just give him some money or something. It didn’t work out that way. (It seldom does.) Luke got over it though. Because it was a beautiful day!

  It was another sunny day, as most days in young summer are. The forest was pretty and peaceful, and precious golden sunbeams were dancing down through holes in the green leafy forest ceiling. It was pretty neat. Luke got to looking at the sunshine, and smiling at the way the pattern kept changin’ as the breeze moved the leaves or as he walked and changed his position. “Cool! Light show!” he said. He gave the trees and the daylight a big thumbs-up to congratulate them on their teamwork, and nodded some props to the shadows as well.

  Then, just in time, he looked back down to earth and watched where he was going. He had almost run into a wiry young man with a shaved head and a sleeveless blue tunic and some gray track pants, who was sitting in a lotus position, with his eyes closed, there amongst the trees. “Whoa!” Luke said, stopping himself in his tracks. “Didn’t see you there, fella. Almost ran into you.”

  “Good thing for you that you didn’t,” the sittin’ guy with the closed eyes said in a non-threatening manner. Even so, it still seemed like kind of a threat. But Luke didn’t get bothered, because he was a laid-back unit.

  “Say, fella,” Luke wondered, “what are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere with your eyes closed?”

  “I was meditating, clown, what does it look like?”

  Luke ignored the name-calling, and said, “Far-out! Are you a monk or something?”

  “No, I’m just meditating because there’s nothing much else to do here in the forest, and it makes the time go by. But I’m not a monk or any other sort of spiritual dude. I was a cod fisherman, actually. Once upon a time.”

  Luke liked fisherpeople, as a rule. He had known a couple, and he had read about a few others lately. So he knew enough to realize, “Hey fella: you are awfully far from the ocean. If you are fixin’ to do any fishin’, shouldn’t you be around the water?”

  The shaved head guy opened his eyes and looked shocked. He shook his head and said earnestly, “Water and electricity don’t mix!”

  Luke looked confused. “Excuse me? You lost me there, fella.”

  The shaved head guy with the blue tunic and gray track pants stood up. “I am Electric Man!” he said mysteriously. He bowed.

  Luke looked skeptical. “Electric Man, huh. What’s that all about? Explain.”

  Electric Man decided to be hospitable: “I shall. But it’s kind of a long story; won’t you have a seat?” Luke gestured with his open hands to indicate, Sure Why not What else have I got to do? Then he and the Electric Man both sat down cross-legged on the forest floor.

  “I’d offer you something to drink, but all I have is water from the stream, and I don’t have a cup or anything to bring it to you in, so you can go get a drink later, I guess,” Electric Man explained awkwardly/generously. Then zhe got on with his tale: “They call me Electric Man because, quite candidly, I have electricity flowing through my body and my soul.”

  “That is somewhat unusual, isn’t it?” Luke interjected.

  “Not nearly so unusual as you might think. Many people have a small amount of electricity running through ’em. You can usually spot them because they light up a room--they’re exciting and fun and they talk a lot and they like to dance. Me, I just got more than my fair share.”

  “How much is too much?” Luke wondered abstractly.

  “Well, I’ve got enough current running through me to power a small city. Of course, that’s not as bad as it sounds, since there aren’t many places on the pretty planet of Timnalauren that even use electricity. But in any case, I’ve got enough juice to electrocute a person.”

  “Yikes! That is too much all right.”

  “Exactly,” Electric Man confirmed. “That is why I have come out here into the middle of nowhere. There aren’t too many people around, so there isn’t much danger of someone touching me and getting electrocuted--if you knew enough to watch where you’re going, that is.”

  “What made you flee to the wilderness? How did you discover you could electrocute someone who touched you? Did that actually happen?” Luke asked in morbid fascination.

  “I would rather not discuss it,” Electric Man said cautiously. “If I say no, I look like I’m a crazy making-things-up man, and if I say yes I’m branded a killer. Some questions are better left unanswered.”

  Luke realized that this was true, so he asked instead, “Well, there must be some other way for me to know that you’re not crazy. Can you make sparks or shoot lightning bolts or something?”

  Electric Man laughed. “No, of course not! Not unless I get injured anyway. See, as long as my skin is intact, all the electricity simply travels within me. It’s like an electrical cord: it looks harmless and plain on the outside, but on the inside there is power and action.”

  “I’m kinda like that too, I think,” Luke decided proudly.

  “We all are,” Electric Man mused. “There’s always more going on under the surface than we can realize. Just in my case, it happens to be something dangerous.” Then he thought about it, and said suddenly, “Oh, I guess there is one way I can show off my electrical abilities: I have this here tattoo of a Christmas tree on my biceps. When I flex my iron-hard arm, electricity surges through my muscle and lights up the tree!”

  “Cool! Do it!” Luke begged.

  Electric Man laughed. “Silly! It’s summertime! You don’t use Christmas lights until at least November. It would just be too weird.”

  Luke was disappointed, but he wasn’t one to pressure anybody. “Okay, I understand. But at least tell me more about it. Have you been like this all your life? Were you born this way?”

  Electric Man scrinched up his forehead and thought back, tryin’ to remember. Then he told Luke, “Not always. I think it happened when I was about 12 or so. Puberty, mebbe? They say your body goes through a lot of changes.”

  “True, but not usually this one. Where does all the electricity come from?” Luke wondered.

  Electric Man beamed. “That’s the neat part! I figured it out: I’ve got a tiny nuclear reactor right here in my heart!20 In fact, I have to drink ‘heavy water’ to keep it cool. Good thing the crick’s so muddy,” he mused. “And sometimes when I eat Mexican food I can feel my chest and throat get hot, as it takes more energy to digest all that oil I think! Then comes the perilous part--all the extra electricity that’s been generated looks for a way out! When I go to the bathroom it makes a noise like thunder and leaves what I can only take to be burn marks on the chamber pot!” This sounded dangerous to Luke all right. But it was enough information to convince him that Electric Man definitely had a special medical condition of some variety! Electric Man continued a little wearily, “The radiation will probably poison me eventually. But we all gotta go somehow, and this is prob’ly no worse than dying from any of the other poisons people put into their bodies.”

  Luke was impressed. “Wow. It’s great that you can keep a positive attitude about it; I expect it must be quite a burden.”

  Electric Man didn’t deny it. But he said peacefully, “Well, living out here in the open, it helps you keep things in perspective. People need to get outdoors more and just stop and look around and see all the wonder and say to themselves, ‘Yeah, it’s gonna be all right, there are bigger things here th
an me, and they’re beautiful.’ It kind of mellows you up.”

  “That’s been my experience too,” Luke agreed, remembering how, even before the final incident, he had felt amiss sometimes while on military campaigns with the rest of the Huns--noticing all the life and goodness of a summer’s day, and wondering why the Huns themselves contributed only death and ruin. But then again, “Don’t you get tired of it though? It must be about the same every day.”

  Electric Man disagreed: “Some days you have sunshine, and smile at the warmth. Some days you have wind, and can close your eyes and imagine you’re flying. Some days you have rain, and it washes your sins and sorrows away. Some days you even have thunderstorms, to frighten and thrill you, and make you feel meek.” Then he scratched his head, and added “I never seem to recollect very much about those days however.” He puzzled about this for a second, then shrugged and went on: “This word came to me once: ‘Joy lies not in experiencing new things always, but in seeing all things as if they were new.’ And this word came to me a second time, helping me be able to do just that, with perpetual awe and wonder: ‘Who knows what the Garden of Eden looked like? It might have looked like this.’” He gave a wave at the paradise of good forest and green hills all about them.

  Luke was drinking it all in. He remembered later to write this meeting down on his Notes page, adding the word ‘New’ and the word ‘Eden’ to E-M’s earlier word ‘Wonder’, and the Caveman’s word, ‘Choose’. He had to ask Electric Man, however, “These words came from whom?”

  “God, perhaps? I think living out here with no walls between us, and depending on his providence each day, it ought to help draw me to Him.”

  “So you know about God then?” Luke asked eagerly, sensing a resolution to his own quest.

  Electric Man laughed humbly. “Not much. Not yet.”

  Luke’s face fell. “So how can you say it helps draw you to God then?”

  A challenging question. “Well, I never believed at all before,” Electric Man recalled. “Now I believe in part. Later, perhaps, I will believe all. I have lived part of my life, and I am partway towards understanding God. By the time I have lived all my life, I hope to know Him more fully. God gives us this time here to learn what we must learn: I trust that more words, and more lessons will be provided for me, if only I keep my ears open to hear them, my heart open to receive them, my mind open to believe them. In God’s time, not mine.”

  Luke had a little moment of jealousy, at Electric Man’s faith and his own lack, and at Electric Man’s special pipeline of words and blessings. Until his friend added kindly: “He has a plan for you too, sir. Little by little, little one. ‘In your patience possess ye your souls’”That made Luke smile and breathe a little easier. Then Luke asked something else he’d been considering. “You must have been out here an awful long time if you’ve been electric since your teens. Don’t you miss everyone in the real world?”

  Electric Man looked sad. “That’s kind of a misnomer, ‘The Real World’. How is it any more real than my world? Maybe it’s less. To call it ‘Civilization’ isn’t any more accurate--how civilized are they?” Luke nodded in agreement, gulping at his own guilt. Electric Man admitted, “But yeah, I miss them anyway. To live out here in the middle of nowhere is fine for a time, and I think it has really strengthened me and cleared my mind. But I don’t think it’s all that being human is about. To use an analogy: if the three sides of a triangle don’t meet at it’s corners, it’s just some lines, it isn’t really a triangle. Similarly, if human beings don’t come into contact with each other by meeting down at the corner, are we really human?”

  “Hmm. That is a hard question,” Luke conceded. “I take it you are still feeling a little incomplete. Welcome to the club. If it’s just some human contact you need, though, I think I have a solution...”

  “Tell me, please!” cried Electric Man.

  Luke smiled, feelin’ felicitous. “Well, rubber is a good insulator, right? Well, you just gotta wear a rubber suit a lot, so there won’t be any danger that people will get in touch with your electricity. And I was thinkin’, since you’re a fisherman, why don’t you become a scuba diver? A scuba suit will protect you from the water, and it will protect other people from you, and you can go live in some neat place like Australia or Atlantis where there are nice beaches and life is happy. I would recommend Australia actually, coz they’re all super-toughies and prob’ly would barely feel it if you did accidentally electrocute them.”

  Electric Man was stunned. “Awesome brother. This is great! You have solved the last of my problems. Now I will have a great life. Except... there’s one thing that’s holding me back: where am I going to get a scuba suit? I have no resources in my pockets,” as he patted empty pockets and looked forlorn. But he soon perked up, because Luke was a generous guy, and he reached into his own pocket and gave Electric Man the very last of his money: a gold coin, and an iron pyrite coin, and a chocolate coin wrapped in gold foil. Then Electric Man beamed a smile that lit up the whole forest. He sang a song of jubilation:

  “I’m the one they call Electric Man; I have a nuclear heart,

  I just met up with a cowboy, who, despite his looks, is smart.

  I shall rejoin society, and boy won’t I be cute,

  Coz now I will be Surfer Man, and I’ll wear a rubber suit.

  I’m going to Australia, to stroll upon the sand

  And meet some pretty Aussie gals; my gosh my life is grand!”

  Luke was tryin’ to give da man some accompaniment on the guitar, but it didn’t sound quite right. “Darn,” said Luke. “I know what would work with that song: we could call it The Electric Man Boogie, but I need some raunchier chords to go with your voice. This wimpy acoustic guitar isn’t cutting it.”

  Electric Man had a neat idea: “Here, try it now,” he suggested, as he touched Luke’s guitar. Luke tried playing it, and Wow-ee! Wouldn’t you know it, he now had an electric guitar! It sounded great, and it felt kind of exhilarating too! That tingle inside, like the Man of God had predicted, and Luke knew that this must be one of those blessed days. Electric Man sang the first verse again, and thought of a couple more that weren’t hardly even that clever, but they didn’t need to be, ‘cause Luke’s new electric guitar was carrying the day, with heavy blues chords and some sleek electric solos.

  Eventually, the electricity went out of Luke’s guitar and they stopped the song and just laughed. “That was fun,” said Luke.

  “Heck, it’s the least I could do for you. Thanks for fixin’ me up with this great plan! I owe you one.”

  “Just send me a postcard from Down Under,” Luke told him. Electric Man smiled and promised, and they were about to shake hands on it and part, when they came to their senses. “Psyche,” said Luke, pulling his hand away just in time and smoothing his hair. Then they settled for waving good-bye, and Luke headed west to Chicago, while Electric Man went east towards Sagueneen, where he caught a bus to the coast and sailed to paradise.